Raw and honest

Today was a bit of a breaking point for me. It made me realise 4 things:

1. I have so much more to offer the world then I think I do.
2. Confrontation and criticism scare me enormously.
3. It may not seem like it, but the future scares me enormously.
4. I still internally doubt myself.

The last few days have been a major turning point for me. Things have happened where I have been emotionally stretched. I have people that believe in me and want to help me be the best. I have people who support me and see the potential in me that I myself don't see. It excites me, but at the same time I wish you could know how scared I am. I know in my gut I am meant to achieve greatness - but my head tells me that I am an idiot and for too many years of my life I listened. I believed that I couldn't be something. I began to believe that I wasn't going to achieve anything useful in my life. But through my growing, my fears, my weaknesses and my circumstances I am starting to learn that I am capable of so much more than I give credit for. I just emotionally close myself off when it's too hard.

But I tell you that my experiences so far have opened so many doors and taught me so many things I never imagined I would learn. I have been stretched and broken and re-moulded. I have had days where I have cried, been frustrated and wanted to throw in the towel. Personal growth is hard work.... I have days where I say to myself: " What a stupid resolution to set.... you couldn't have picked a harder goal in life to accomplish!!!" I need to stop being so scared and go confidently forward in my soul vision. I know this journey hasn't ended, and I need to keep seeing the bigger picture. I try to keep a vision in my mind of what I deep down want to become. I don't tell many people because there's not a great deal of people who would understand. So I keep it as my vision and my journey and allow the ones who are willing to be a positive light walk with me in it.

This blog is raw, short and probably doesn't make a great deal of sense but it's my turning point day to start taking the next step. It blows me away at the person I am becoming and the person I am still to become.


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