Emotional wholeness

I've had several conversations over the last few days where within each conversation the same topic seems to be coming up.  The conversation was centred around SAYING you're ready vs actually BEING ready.  This afternoon I had a brief reflection on where I stood within this topic and I took a raw and honest turn with myself.  I have a few areas in my life where I can boldly say I'm ready, but if I was honest with myself, I'm actually not.  The biggest one would have to be how I approach relationships with men.

It's funny because typically I can say I'm ready and in some regards maybe I am ready.  I mean I've lived on my own now for 12 months (with a child every second week), I am completely financially independent, I do the majority of things for myself, I work full-time and raise my child, I haven't been on the lookout for anyone, I basically live the life of a single woman one week with my work, fitness, church, theatre and social commitments and I'm a single mother (fitting in what I can while devoting precious moments with my daughter) the next.  So in the scheme of it, I really could go out and do the dating thing.... but I choose not to.

And it brings me back to what I was saying earlier, this idea of saying I'm ready vs actually being ready.  Although I have a lot to offer in a relationship, I wonder if I have the emotional capacity to keep my identity if I was to meet someone.  Or if I have my emotional 'wholeness' through loving myself or do I require it within the validation of a relationship.  This is something that I am really making an effort to teach myself. I don't want to keep falling into the trap of pleasing others like I have in the past.  I love the person I have become and am continuing to become.  I want to be confident enough in myself that I can have that strong connection with someone and not have to be rushed, forced to change, emotionally harassed or made to feel inadequate.  And to be honest, the right person would completely respect me for it.  I want my forever, not just someone who gives me temporary emotional fullness.  And I'll admit, It's hard work motivating myself to think like that as my biggest weakness is seeking validation. But I know that every small step forward I'm taking and every time I take a stand against my past, I am moving in the right direction.  In a sense it gets easier, because the more emotionally stronger I am, the easier it is to know the right relationships from the wrong ones. And deep down I know that the most amazing and worthwhile things are always worth it when they don't come easy.


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