A nudge to keep growing....
Have you ever been at a point in your life where you think to yourself that everything is going great and you're feeling the best you've ever felt? It's funny how when you start to feel like that, the nudge for further growth is waiting around the corner.... ready to sneak up on you at ANY moment!
As I have been mentioning, the last month has been a huge period of re-evaluation and really making a conscious effort to bring myself to the next level. I've been going to seminar's and retreats, reading books and journal articles, journalling my thoughts, seeing a counsellor, and surrounding myself with wise people to help me through. It's been a very mixed ride, but completely worth it! I feel like the real 'deep' core issues that trigger my behaviours have been bought to the open for me to see, mainly through my behaviour and mindset. It has not been easy to see that, but I keep telling myself it's for the greater good (and pain = progress right?).
I feel this time has made me aware of a few things:
- Although I don't come across as insecure, I really am. I am too busy wanting and striving for things which truly aren't right for me.
- I keep falling into the dangerous pattern of seeking validation from others, when I have all the love I need from family, close friends and God.
- I say I love myself, but is it a 'deep' love for myself or a 'superficial' love for myself?
- I stress way too much about what is not within my control..... better yet..... I simply stress too much!
- I am impatient because I want it now and think it will make me happy on the inside if it's there NOW!
I think the core of all these things is that I don't give myself the space, love and respect that I truly deserve! Why do I waste my energy on things that are not in my control? Why do I tire myself trying to chase after opportunities that clearly don't belong to me? Why am I truly wanting more than what I have? Why don't I feel truly complete within myself on a soul level?
So I made a decision to simplify my life, so that I can spend the time learning to be myself. Learning to not stress when something is not in my control. Focusing my energies on those who are within my reach. Focusing on skills and activities that make me completely happy on a heart and soul level rather than doing it to people please. I enjoyed waking up this morning and going for a run then sitting on a rock on top of Castle Hill and just relaxing with some music and journalling while the sun rose. I enjoy chilling out and making some jewellery. I love the extra time I am making to make contact with close friends. I am enjoying just being myself and not feeling pressured to worry about what others think. I am who I am, and like I said earlier, why waste my energies trying to be something I am not to impress people or situations that aren't within my reach?