Some Inspiration for the Broken Hearted....
I wanted to touch on the topic of heartache today because it's something I have seen a lot of lately which is never pleasant. I'm not so much referring to the bigger global issues (which are incredibly distressing), but more so on an individual basis. People go through it over various periods in their lives within various intensities, and no decent person would ever wish it upon anyone. What about when people (I'll put my hand up for this one) simply say things like, "oh time will heal wounds," or "it wasn't meant to be anyway,", or maybe "it will only make you stronger," or maybe you've heard the classic "it's for the best?"
Those words NEVER change the fact that heartache is incredibly painful! Unlike a broken bone, which everyone notices straight away, a broken heart can be well hidden yet be the most intense hurt you've ever experienced in your life. You feel so many emotions, yet unlike a broken limb, can't really rely on a pain killer to numb it. Some people go through it for a short period of time and some never fully recover from it. Heart ache can come from various life experiences and are usually a pivotal point which disguinishes the direction of their life…. that is…. if they are willing to go through the healing process and evolve as a person through the process.
My heart ache comes from relationships with others and the humiliation I have gone through over the years with bullying, emotional harassment, belittlement, amongst other things. I've also dealt with the heart ache of losing my niece at birth and my Nonna who I was really close to. These experiences although painful, taught me more about who I am, my capabilities and what I need to do to move forwards and become a better version of myself. I've gone through nights of tears, sitting at home by myself drinking myself into a mess, questioned my worth in the world, caused myself harm…. I went through these as a result of my own experiences. But over time I grew the determination to never allow these experiences to define me, but rather help me learn to understand the world better, especially within other's actions. I feel through these experiences I have become calmer, more patient and understanding of others. Don't get me wrong, I still get angry at people when they cause me hurt or humiliate me, but I stop and observe with understanding that they are from a place of hurt and bringing me down fuels their ego in order to make dealing with their own hurt easier.
I found through my own experiences, reading and listening to other people's experiences and how they dealt with them helped me a lot. It gave me comfort in knowing that I wasn't alone and taught me a lot about myself and the world. Therefore If I could offer some pieces of advice, I would love it if you took something away from this:
1. Use heartache as a time of understanding yourself and the world.
2. Use it as a time to learn about how to adapt to become better and how to deal with others better. Negative experiences should make you more compassionate and understanding, not resentful.
3. Use these experiences to be kinder to your enemies, talk about them to someone who you trust if need be, but don't allow them into your emotional space, it's not healthy and it's not fair on you.
4. Never play the 'blame game' through it, all blame ever does is congest your emotional freedom. Blame never does anything except delay the healing process, which can be quicker if you let it.
5. Learn a lesson from the experiences. Experiences are opportunities to become better or put a faulty habit under a lens for you to see. This is your chance to work through it!
6. Heart ache opens your heart to something better which you never realised was possible. I always love the saying 'one day you'll meet someone and know why it never worked out with anyone else.' I believe it works for all experiences.
7. You're allowed to grieve. Grieving is part of the process, but you also need to be mindful of the time it takes. Only you know when you're ready to move on, never feel pressured to get through it quickly. Those who truly care will stick around - these are the people you need in your life! If you want people around, but are still grieving, tell them!
8. Heart ache lets you know who and what truly matters in your life. It's amazing how quick your priorities change when situations change. The valleys are the times where you definitely know what matters…. just make sure you leave behind the things that don't.
9. You always have something to gain in things you lose. I gained a child, a full time job and a stronger sense of self through mine. Look as deep as you need to do to find it and be thankful for it!
10. You're not a bad person for feeling this way. Everyone deals with heart ache differently, you're allowed to be upset for as long as you need. It only becomes an issue when you're hurt starts negatively impacting others or you create habits which impact your health. Make sure you get some help when it gets to that.
I really hope this article helps or even speaks to you today. May peace be with you through this journey and you come out stronger, better and more caring then ever before! xx