My Story

I wanted to take this blog to talk about mental health.  I have been really reluctant to write this post for quite some time because I was a little bit worried about perception.  I also didn’t want to be seen as some weak psychopathic person.  After lots of consideration, I decided that it was probably the best thing to do, mainly as a source of encouragement for someone else that is just as torn or walks in the same shoes as me.  Mental health is one of those really ‘touchy’ areas that at times get a pretty bad wrap.  I don’t think anyone can ever truly understand the extent of it until they have lived through the experience either within themselves or around others.

Over the last few years, I have had an on-going battle with depression – I just work really hard to keep it under control as best I can.  Some days it’s really easy, and other days it’s incredibly difficult.  I’ve been to counsellors, taken medications and done a lot of journaling and reading – I have had to really put the time and effort into keeping it under control.  I don’t like sharing it too much because I admit that it feels a little bit embarrassing to have that issue.  I know in a logical sense and deep in my heart that my life is great and I have so much to be thankful for.  But when I go through my waves, my mind tries to defy that logic. 

Sometimes I can’t predict or explain when my moods come.  They aren’t chronic or harmful to anyone, just a general feeling of sadness, tears, hatred towards me and like I have cloud over me.  And those are the days where I really have to pull out the comedy shows, fun music, and letters from friends, bible and reflection journals.  I spend that time trying to pick myself up and reminding myself that I am ok.  I hate sharing those moments with others because I don’t want to burden them, it’s my journey and I need to walk it. But when I do get support, I appreciate it.  And I will admit that sometimes it’s scary because I worry that no one would ever understand how I feel and see my feelings as a desire for attention.  I fear the day I get married and someone will have to love that aspect of me – it’s scary.  But as I was saying earlier, I have a great life and so much on offer, so never be quick to judge that I am ungrateful.  I have an amazing family and friends, a great job with a beautiful work family, and the most amazing daughter I could ever ask for. 

All I can ever hope is that this post will encourage someone today.  Don’t feel bad about how you feel on your bad days and enjoy the liberating feeling that you have on your good days. Don’t get down on yourself when you find it difficult to handle a bad day – tomorrow is a new day to start fresh.  Sometimes that cloud is not within your control, but you have the power to feed it positive thoughts and keep yourself grounded.  Understand that many love you and are there to support you! 

Just keep dancing!!!!