Thinking Back to Leap Forwards

This one is a little long, and kind of has two stories connected.  Hopefully it all makes sense and inspires you if you are starting over!

I was having a bit of an ‘off’ couple of days last week.  Tayla was a bit moody, I wasn’t feeling the best physically and I having some moments where I was questioning myself and what I am capable of.  

But life has its way of reminding me of what I am truly capable of.

Mid 2012: I barely slept, worked out
2-3 hours a day, ate a very restrictive
diet, and cried myself to sleep most
nights.

I was viewing my ‘memories’ on Facebook on Thursday. One of my statuses from around 2012 read something along the lines of, ‘Life is finally starting to look up for me.  I finally have a stable job, some furniture and a house to live in.  All I need now is some peace.’    

Back in 2012, this was what I wanted more than anything in the world.  Peace, stability and comfort for myself and my child.  Up until about a year or so ago, I barely slept at night.  The first few months after leaving Tayla’s dad and starting over I practically slept with one eye open and lived in a constant state of stress and panic.  Then if it wasn’t that, it was something else that was trying to take a hold of me.  I took advantage of moments when I could because it helped me escape from the situations that were trying to pull me away from what I finally had. I ran a lot because it gave me an escape from the old life that I struggled to deal with.  The first few years were tough.  I was trying so hard to find my place… to fit in… be accepted… be loved and respected.  And above all, live with peace.  I was left with debt and moments of wondering if I would ever be able to create an impactful life, not just for myself but for my daughter as well.  

My first birthday as a single
woman.  It felt like one of
saddest and loneliest days
of my life.  This was the point
where I really truly knew I was
starting over. 

I set up a blog to not only help be put my journey out there, but hopefully show others that anyone can rebuild when they leave behind a difficult situation or have to start over with nothing but some clothes and basic items.  Has the last six years been easy? No way!  I had times where I really had to grind and fail hard, but I kept getting up. I had times where my own mental state was tested and I started to really question myself and my decisions.  I had times where I wondered if I really had it all together.  I had times where I had to reset myself.  But I have also had some INCREDIBLE VICTORIES as well!  I have been blessed with good people who have been there at the right times as well as taking positive advantage of the right opportunities at the right times.  

But I feel like now I am really starting to see the fruit of last few years of hard work and dedication… and it feels bloody amazing! I own a home, I have a great job with more responsibilities, I have a great second career path where I am developing respect, I have blogged for some great companies, I have taken my daughter overseas and to various places around the country.  

Oh and as of my 34^thbirthday, the debt I was left with after the split, will be PAID OFF!!! I couldn’t really ask for a better gift!  

My daughter and I a few days ago.
Life is going amazing and all the
hard work has been worth it.

But let’s go back to the last week and Tayla.  She has thrown the challenge to me.  She has her hopes and dreams too – she wants a dad and desperately wants a sibling.  I am not kidding you, she is just about as desperate as they come right now.  If we are out in public, she will see a guy and nudge me, ‘Hey mum, check this one out.  What do you think?’ or she’ll ask me if I’m interested in anyone or if I have been on any dates.  Or she’ll tell me that someone is checking me out.  I have to give her marks for effort.  But then the other day we are sitting on the couch watching a movie and she pipes up with what she wants for her birthday:  She is hoping either I meet someone or I adopt a sibling for her. Tried to find some ways to convince her that our life is great, but she ain’t budging.  Which is fair enough.  I see her motivation:  She wants us both to be happy and she feels I am ready to meet someone.  But on the same token, I want to demonstrate to her that it’s better to wait for the right person and situation than bounce into the wrong one and (yet again) have to start again.  I also remind her that it will happen – we just have to keep being patient and build our lives while we ‘wait.’ And hey if I still don’t meet anyone and adoption is the route I go, then so be it.  Ultimately, I want to set the right example to her when it comes to relationships and that it’s ok to build your life until the right person comes along and there’s great reward in patience (even on the days where it sucks!)

As I sip the last of my wine before getting ready for another crazy week ahead, I hope you find motivation in knowing that a great life is definitely possible when rebuilding from the bottom up.  It’s about being patient, resilient, teachable and continuing to move forward even when situations knock you down.