Autopilot

I haven't written a blog post in a while and honestly up until about an hour ago, I really didn't feel any desire to.  It's funny what a small space of time does to the bigger scheme of things.  I'll be honest and say that my life has been pretty much on 'autopilot' for the last couple of weeks and it's been really hard to truly articulate how I feel about things at the moment because I haven't made the time to sit down and let things sink in.  Without going into too much detail, I have gone through some very sudden changes to my personal life, particularly as a parent.  It's all happened so fast in the mist of my already hectic world that truthfully I didn't see it coming.  A few days before the whole thing unfolded, I was talking to someone about how I was really starting to make my life routine work and that I was actually starting to develop a stronger feel for my identity and purpose.

And just like that, that whole conversation was flipped on it's head.  No real chance to take a hold of what had happened and the impact it had.  And like I said earlier, just continuing to fly on autopilot was my own way of dealing with it.  But then Friday night, the whole situation kind of hit me and I began to realise the extent of what has happened and how it impacted myself and my mini family.  At that moment, I guess I broke down because I started to fret about what I was going to miss out on.  The fear sunk in that I was going to be on my own through it all and suck majorly at it….. or that the things I really desired were never going to come to fruition because of the circumstance I was being placed in.  So in my finest way possible, I placed myself back into autopilot so that I could (what I thought) manage myself better.

But then something happened tonight that reminded me to trust the process.  I was reminded to stop looking at what I am about to miss out on, and instead look at what I have received through it all.  I have received the opportunity for more time to be a better mother, more time to raise my daughter, a chance to live an even more stable and consistent life, a chance to give my daughter the consistency she deserves, a chance to understand myself more, a chance to become more mature and stronger as a woman, a better chance to sharpen my focus on being with the right person when the dust settles and routine is consistent, the chance to grow spiritually, a chance to become a more resilient person, a chance to become a stronger and more focused leader, a chance to show others what they can be capable of…. the list goes on.

Although this is a difficult and stressful situation to be in, I know that only good can come from it and I know that I  need to keep staying thankful and just trust what has unfolded.  Deep down I know I would never be placed in a situation if I couldn't handle it, so I know I CAN and WILL walk it.  And you know what? You can walk through your situation too.  Whatever has been handed to you has been handed to you for a divine purpose.  Sometimes the 'whys' are easy to understand and sometimes they aren't, but it's been given to you anyway.  Sometimes you feel like you're in autopilot because you just don't know how to react, but that's ok…. allow yourself the time to work it out and then feel something.  See it all for what it is, acknowledge how you feel then try to see what good can come from it.  The deep emotion (whatever it may be) that you feel from it is a sign that the situation is leading you into something bigger than you could ever imagine.  And this bigger looks different to each person in the picture.  Walk your situation with victory in sight and no matter what happens you can never go wrong.

Have an awesome evening!