Transformation and Falling in Love with Yourself Again

 “Embrace the process of transformation, for it is in the journey that you discover your true strength and potential.”

A part of me returning to this blog is to journey this stage of my own journey to I guess document my own journey over the last 14 years.  The version of me at that time was a scared and highly anxious woman who had left one of the most painful and difficult situations in my life.  When I reflect upon it now, I was this young 27 year old woman with a young child in survival mode trying to figure out how to get out of debt, navigate a very toxic relationship and deal with an enormous identity crisis, amongst other things.  I don’t even recognise that woman anymore and nor should I.  She was a version of me who finally made a decision that life was worth living after years of just allowing life to float by with no sense of meaning or purpose, running through the same daily routine and not seeing my full potential.  With that, my environment at the time did not allow or encourage that.  If you read back on some of my earlier blogs you can catch up on what lead me to that place.

I feel there’s value in sharing where I am at right now as I feel I have a different glow, vibe and confidence to myself.  Although the things I hoped for all those years ago haven’t quite come to fruition, I’m learning to find peace and understanding that I have to put trust in the process and know everything moves forward in it’s own timing.  I still have unfinished business so the things I have been praying for the longest time can finally come to pass how it’s meant to be.  

I have been very focused on working deeper within myself over the last year, putting greater attention on listening to myself, my mind, my body and my behaviour.  In the last month in particular I have been investing in the time to pay attention to where my head is at and working on that.  It’s so ironic that through everything I have gone through over the years (and some very intense and heavy things that really should make me a bitter and resentful person at that), that facing myself and my own head has had it’s new level of challenge.  Past versions of myself have at times reared their heads into my thoughts and behaviours through anxious thoughts and behaviours and some very at times very ugly self talk.  If you have ever had to experience the journey of addressing those things and finding that love within yourself, it can be exhausting and man you cry some ugly tears! 

But with that, you also find that space to fall in love with yourself and find that place of compassion for yourself.  You start to see yourself as that person who just wants to be loved, protected and respected.  You start talking to yourself differently because you know what you truly deserve.  You know that you truly deserve to be spoken to with love, compassion and kindness.  You choose to remind yourself to create space for those who show up and provide you with the love, respect and care you deserve.  You start to remind yourself that chasing people and opportunities does not serve you.  You learn to not take things so personally (as much).  You remind yourself daily that you have so much beauty and goodness to offer and if people come for the ride, to invite them on.  

I’ve had to hold onto the analogy that I can like Earl Grey tea, but not everyone likes Earl Grey tea.  Maybe they are eyeing off English Breakfast tea because that’s their preference based on where they are at.  I can’t compare myself to English Breakfast and wonder what they offer that I don’t.  I can’t sit and make myself be English Breakfast tea because I am chasing something that isn’t right for me.  Otherwise I never truly enjoy what I can offer or allow those who love Earl Grey tea to join in.  Imagine what I miss out on when my eyes are focused on something or someone that isn’t even looking in my direction?

Here are some key points I have taken on lately through the lens of transformation:

1. Transformation is an invitation to fall in love with myself and my life even more.
2. Transformation is an opportunity to see myself through a different lens so I can see the world through a different, more loving and compassionate lens.
   
3. Transformation gives me a chance to take care of the past versions of myself and remind them they are loved so the present version of me can feel more full.
4. Transformation reminds me that I find value in what comes into my life.  Everything always happens at the perfect time.
5. Transformation isn’t linear, some days it feels like a forward step, other days it feels like a fall and other days it feels like the cha cha.
6. No one ever regrets positive transformation.  The process is painful, but the joy comes in the outcomes.
7. Transformation creates an opportunity to see self and the world from a place of fullness, rather than lack.
8. Transformation is a daily invitation to remind yourself that you are worthy and loved. 

Have a lovely weekend! :-)